You Have to Choose:  Fear or Faith

By Jeannette Webb

I’m normally a pretty calm person, but there is one thing that can make me hopping mad in a heartbeat.  It happens when folks try to impose their very narrow view of the world by playing the “You Can’t Be a Christian If Game.”   People have tried to play it on me through the years and most of my clients have experienced it too.  It goes something like this:

• You can’t be a Christian if you don’t use certain textbooks.
• You can’t be a Christian if you don’t go to a private Christian school
• You can’t be a Christian if you don’t homeschool.
• You can’t be a Christian if you go to college.
• You can’t be a Christian if you go to a secular college.
• You can’t be a Christian if you go to an Ivy League college.
• You can’t be a Christian if you major in that.

Of course there are variations of the game.  They are a bit more subtle, but the intent is the same:

• You can choose to educate your child’s heart or you can prepare him for Harvard.  You can’t do both.
• Your child must never learn about evolution or they will become unbelievers.
• The only reason your child should learn a foreign language is for the mission field.
• Your child must always be surrounded other Christians or she will be led astray.

Has any holy-than-thou person ever tried to lure you into that game?  I talk with families on a weekly basis that have been made to feel guilty or suddenly question God’s direction in their child’s life because of these game players.  

I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  The people who play these games are driven by fear.  They think they can control every aspect of their children’s lives.  Then they extend their legalism even further by trying to control others.  Because they are fearful, they are threatened that anyone else would take a different course, and as a result, must try to suppress them.

Years ago when I made the radical decision to homeschool my children, I admit that I sat in homeschool conventions and succumbed to the fear swirling throughout the room via popular speakers and curriculums.  I wanted so badly to do this right, to help my kids avoid the mistakes I had made. I read everything I could get my hands on.  

Most homeschool workshops, books and curricula fed the fear, but I also searched scripture to see what God said about it (since that was the whole goal of this homeschool thing anyway).  And you know what, I discovered that the game players had obviously missed a good deal.  What I found were admonitions to “Fear not!”  I read about being brave and raising warriors and searching hard for truth (that is found everywhere).  It talked about raising children according to their bent and discoursing on Mars Hill with unbelievers.  

In the middle of reading all this eye-opening parental advice, I also read a book by Hugh Hewitt, Harvard trained attorney, law school professor, and conservative talk show host.  His book, A Guide to Christian Ambition, introduced me to the concept of training children to move in spheres of influence should they be called there.  He made a very clear case that some children will be called (and should be allowed) to attend prestigious secular schools.  Here is his reasoning: 

1. “The effective and mass communication of the gospel depends upon the freedom to proclaim it.”
2. “The creation and defense of religious liberty requires men and women with power and influence in the world.”
3. “Christians of appropriate ability should seek these positions and should use them to protect and extend religious liberty.” 

Hewitt tells the inspirational story of William Wilberforce who entered Great Britain’s Parliament in 1780.  He was a privileged insider, a graduate of Cambridge. In 1786, he experienced a profound conversion during a time when religious enthusiasm was regarded as a social transgression and upper class people of faith were exposed to contempt and ridicule.  He felt that he needed to abandon public life because his newfound faith stood in opposition to the corrupt lifestyle of those in power. 

But several people convinced him that he was in a position of power for a reason.  

After wrestling with his conflicting emotions, he wrote in his diary,  “My walk is a public one.  My business is the world, and I must mix in the assemblies of men.” In 1789, he launched a campaign against the British slave trade and spent the rest of his life fighting this horrible abuse of human beings and years later on his deathbed learned that he had been successful. 

One of the things we learn about Wilberforce, and many other influential and powerful individuals, is that you must assemble the right credentials.

According to Hewitt, “Status matters. All universities are not created equal, and credentials from prestigious universities matter a great deal more than those acquired from unknown universities for those who desire to move in spheres of influence.”

You’ve got to admit that disproportionate numbers of our leaders in the U.S. are from prestigious colleges – U.S Presidents, congressmen, Supreme Court justices, and business leaders.

I realized that I had to stand on faith and not fear.

I chose to believe that God loved my kids more than I did and I trusted him to plot our course (which didn’t look like anyone else’s course).  I didn’t raise my children to be what I wanted them to be, I figured out who they were and called them out to be more of themselves.  That meant training in tough academics, servant leadership, and fearless living. I had to stand back and let God work in their lives and then let go when he called them to follow him into spheres of influence.

So, if someone starts to play the “You Can’t Be a Christian If” game with you, be gracious, but ignore their fear.  Realize that they are perpetuating a lie from the pit of hell that is meant to keep your child from being all that God intended.  Who knows? You may be raising a Wilberforce that will rock the political scene.  Maybe you are educating an Isaac Newton or Johannes Kepler, or a Galileo Galilei or a Blaise Pascal that will shake the foundations of the scientific world. Perhaps you’ve been charged with grooming a Conrad Hilton or a S. Truett Cathy who will redefine business culture.

But, you have to choose.  Will you stand in faith or tremble in fear?

By the way, you can check Hewitt’s book out here.

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Look Who’s Talking!

The Importance of Thank You

By Jeannette Webb

I was raised by a Southern Belle and, as such, grew up writing thank you notes. My mother drilled into my head the importance of telling others that I was grateful for their gifts.  Southern manners established the habit, but I didn’t understand until my late teens that the heart needed to be included as well.

I was in college and had just received a fairly sizable scholarship along with another young woman.  I dashed out the obligatory thank you: I am so honored – I am grateful for your support of our college – thank you very much.  The other young woman didn’t understand the efficiencies of thank you note writing and instead wrote a long chatty letter filled with details of her life, her struggles to pay for college, her gratefulness to this elderly man.  Every so often she would write another letter to him catching him up on what she was doing and, without realizing it, showing him that his scholarship money had indeed been invested well.  He was delighted with the correspondence and soon established a larger endowment to cover scholarships for even more students.

I can sometimes be slow, but this I understood perfectly.  Thank you notes became more than an insipid discharge of my duty.  They began to train my heart in true gratefulness for those who had made an investment in my life, and as such, started to bless the recipient as well.

Scripture is full of reminders that we should have a grateful heart.  Remember when Jesus healed the ten lepers in Luke 17?  Only one of the ten came back to say thank you, and he was a Samaritan.   I’m afraid the odds are even worse today.  Think about it.  When was the last time somebody thanked you?  When was the last time you expressed your gratefulness?  Here are some reasons for practicing gratefulness and a few ideas for recipients of our grateful hearts:

Those Who Volunteer 

There are many volunteers like Boy Scout and Girl Scout leaders, convention organizers, field trip coordinators, choir directors, Sunday School teachers, event planners, co-op directors, volunteers in sports leagues, campaign workers, etc.  When I am at an event organized by volunteers, I go out of my way to thank them for their time.  As one who has served in this type of capacity for years, I can promise you that very few people even notice those who are behind the scenes making life work for others. 

Those We Employ

Many people fill our lives – medical professionals, mail carriers, phone operators, store clerks, and service providers. Have you ever thought about thanking them?  In the last few weeks I’ve been thanked several times and it was a delightful surprise. College applications wrapped up January 1 and shortly thereafter I received a brightly colored Dr. Seuss card from a young woman that I assisted.  It was especially relevant as she is an interpretive storyteller who acts out Dr. Seuss books for young children.  Her handwritten thank you note is now on my bulletin board bringing a smile to my face every time I see it.  Not long after that, a CD came – music arranged and performed by another senior client.  He sent it to thank me for my help over the years.  His beautiful music surrounds me as I fix dinner in the evening and reminds me of the delightful young man I am privileged to work with.  Now, these folks paid me for my time.  Nothing else was expected.  But their gratitude touched my heart and confirmed that my labor is not in vain. 

Those Who Protect Our Country

I have a friend who makes a point of thanking any military person who crosses her path.  One day she was in a restaurant and saw a man wearing a Vietnam Vet baseball cap.  She went straight his table and thanked him for serving our country.  As the tears coursed down his grizzled face, he said, “Lady, no one has ever said that to me before.  You’ve made my year.”  Needless to say, tears welled up in her eyes as well.

Training a Grateful Heart

I do not think that gratefulness comes naturally to most people.  Like so many other habits of the heart, it has to be trained. Of course I required my children to write thank you notes for gifts.  But that’s just the tip of the iceberg!  When at conventions or political rallies, they came with me to verbally thank those working in the background.  At Thanksgiving, they helped me make pumpkin bread and cookies to fill “Thank You Baskets” for all the people in their lives – Sunday School teachers, AWANA leaders, piano teachers, Boy Scout leaders, etc. When my son completed his Boy Scout Eagle project, we carried huge platters of cookies to all the community leaders and businesses who had helped him advertise and organize his project – the police station, the fire department, the newspaper, the radio station, the cable station.  In every instance, they were totally shocked.  People ask them for help and donations every day, but nobody had ever come back with a tangible thank you.

Why Does Gratitude Matter?

1. If you are a Christian, scripture is filled with reminders that we should be grateful.  So, we need to see it as a necessary part of our lives.

2.  If you train our hearts in gratitude, it begins to change the way we perceive our circumstances.  We begin to look at life differently and in a more positive light because we see clearly how much we have to be grateful for.  Ann Voskamp has done a magnificent job explaining this concept in her book, One Thousand Gifts:  A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.

3.  Establishing a Gratitude Habit makes it easier to be appreciative.  An entrenched habit is done without thought, therefore it becomes a natural part of us.

4. Gratitude encourages those weary in well doing.  You never know when your note or kind word gives someone else the courage to keep going.  We cannot discern the private battles other people fight or the wounds they carry or the loneliness they feel.  Whether they contribute money for a huge scholarship or encourage your child during little league sports or are paid to take care of your business; every person needs to know that their work and sacrifices matter.

5. Gratitude can open the door for others.  Like my fellow scholarship recipient whose grateful heart spurred the generous donor to more contributions, our thankfulness can make a difference for those who come later.  My son was one of the early homeschoolers to receive national science awards and scholarships.  He was very aware that how he handled his success would open or close doors for other homeschoolers that followed him.  Seven years ago he wrote a transparent, heart-felt letter to the president of a national organization thanking him for a significant scholarship.  He followed up with the organization as he progressed through college and into graduate school.  A few months ago, I got a call from this gentleman who shared that he had never in his long career seen a more eloquent thank you letter.  He wanted permission to publish it nationally and to use it to recruit more donors to the program in order to provide even more scholarships!

6.  The net result of training a grateful heart is humbleness.  Like many bright young men, my son had a tendency to cockiness, which could easily have led to arrogance.  But, the years of training in gratitude kept his feet on the ground and his heart humble.  In fact, when his high school graduation rolled around, he chose an entirely different event than I would have planned.  I’ll be honest, I was ready to showcase his awards and activities to prove to people what homeschooling could do.  He, however, would have none of it.  He chose to turn his graduation into a public thank you for those who had invested in him.  There was a PowerPoint presentation showing photos from our church family and homeschool group. On the inside cover of the program, instead of the list of awards and college acceptances, Austin chose to pay tribute to the man who mentored him in science from the time he was a young boy.  Here is a small part of what he said:

 “There is certainly the temptation to be proud of where I am, to say “look what I did” or think of myself as somehow a self-made man, but it wouldn’t be true. Probably no one who ever lived can say that they achieved purely by virtue of their own faculties and volition. If the truth be known, we all are much indebted to fellow human beings who offered a helping hand even though no obligation compelled them.”

Is your heart grateful today?

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Where’s Jeannette?

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The Lost Art of Thinking

By Jeannette Webb

My online dictionary defines Thinking as “the process of using one’s mind to consider or reason about something.”    My Noah Webster 1828 dictionary defines it as being “capable of a regular train of ideas.” 

I’m convinced that thinking is a lost art.  I know many people with college degrees who honestly don’t know how to think.  They can do the work put in front of them. They regurgitate facts extremely well.  They can spout another person’s opinion as their own.  But to truly think – to take an idea and wrestle with it all the way to its logical conclusion is, in fact, beyond them.  Even further afield is the ability to take an existing idea and work with it creatively until something new is forged.

I believe there are many reasons we have few thinkers today.

First, our lives are a constant interruption.  No chance for a regular train of ideas here.  We tweet, we comment on Facebook, we tear around the internet, and watch sound bites on TV.  Our brains may move quickly, but I’m convinced they rarely prod deeply.

Secondly, thinking takes time.  In a world that values speed, efficiency, and multi-layer resumes, we’ve forgotten the value of sitting in the hammock and pondering.

Finally, few families place value on cultivating actual thinking skills.  Unfortunately this includes families who are paying for expensive private school educations as well as families who have made the sacrifice to homeschool their kids.  We are efficient and get a lot done.  We spare no expense to provide outstanding textbooks.  We provide the best activities and experiences possible.  And yet, we still miss the boat.

Training the Intellect

I believe wholeheartedly that we need to value intelligent conversation in our homes.  I never allowed my young children to just spout off an opinion.  Even when they were very small we would have Socratic dialog – a tender give and take.  I would gently question their opinion, their thought process, even their words.  I took the time to get to the heart of what they were trying to express.  In the end, I would either commend them on a job well done or gently show them where a rabbit trail got them off track. 

I routinely asked my children to back up what they were saying and they would trot off for books or dictionaries or encyclopedias.  I would help them chase their thoughts all the way to their logical conclusion.  It is important that children learn early that ideas have consequences whether it is staying up too late and having an unproductive day the next day or whether it is foreign policy that will impact millions of lives.  No matter how old your child or how important the issue, it is intellectually dishonest to only take a thought halfway.

My kids soon learned that they had to think carefully before engaging mom and it became a game that delighted our time together:  our days, our meals, our leisurely evenings, and our car rides.  

School

Our homeschool did not place value on regurgitated facts (which is not education at all).   We didn’t use textbooks prior to high school (except in math), we didn’t use workbooks much at all.  We used living books and discussed them thoroughly.  We spent a great deal of time developing speaking skills.  We wrote a great deal.  At age 14, we added formal debate training to help develop skills in logic, argumentation,  thinking on their feet, and looking at both sides of an issue.

Dinner Table Conversations

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Eating meals together as a family (no TV, no radio, no cell phones, no distractions) is of critical importance if you want to develop thinking kids.  An evening meal happens every day – like clockwork.  You can count on it.  By tying this important skill development to a known event, your chances of actually accomplishing it are much higher.  Sure, things happen and sometimes there are outside commitments, but is should be a rare occurrence.  Eating together and learning to think together should be the norm.

Think Generationally

I love the Bible because of the sweep of history found there.  God talks about both blessings and cursings following a family for generations.  He shows how bad choices reverberate down through history.  By grounding your children in the sweep on the Bible, of history, of your own family’s choices through the generations, it is possible to impress upon them the gravity of careful thought.  When we make choices, it’s not just today we are dealing with and not just our own lives.  Therefore, our choices, the result of our thought processes whether faulty or accurate, matter a great deal.

Don’t be Afraid of Challenges

The result of this type of training will probably be children who think well and quickly.  Don’t be surprised when the day comes that they challenge your own thought process.  I love my kids too much to be intimidated by that and have found that this iron sharpening iron has made us all better thinkers and ultimately better people.

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Home:  A Place of Delightful Discovery, Part 2

By Jeannette Webb

We talked last time about the importance of setting up learning opportunities in the home for younger children.  Now let’s discuss how to capitalize on that.

The Spontaneous Unit Study

By inviting my children to discover the world for themselves, I assumed the responsibility to being ready to deal with their questions when they popped up.  A teachable moment is a precious thing and I always tried to make the most of it.  While our home is loaded with books, I did rotate books in and out so there would always be something fresh.  I also held certain types of books in reserve in my unit study boxes.  Over the course of the year I would find treasures to fill my boxes – books from library sales or homeschool conventions, science kits or themed art projects from museum stores, posters from national parks, documentaries, games, etc.  These unit study boxes were used for planned unit studies as well as for spur-of-the-moment ones.  I’ll give you some examples of how this system worked.

One day my children discovered a badger den, so we pulled out the box on mammals, which contained wonderful books about various types of animals, their homes, and their habitats.  There were posters identifying different Oklahoma wildlife (which went up in the bathroom).  We started the book The Wind in the Willows. 

After visiting Mount St. Helens National Volcanic Monument, I pulled out my volcano box.  There were books about how volcanoes worked, a picture book about the buried city of Pompeii, some ideas torn from a magazine that featured experiments that replicated a volcano, a National Geographic video, and a poster identifying all the volcanic hot spots around the world.  We set to work understanding all we had just experienced.

My family emigrated from Sweden three generations back and wound up in Oklahoma making the Land Run.  My Swedish box contained a book of native crafts for children, Swedish recipes, maps, children’s books about immigration, Ellis Island, and adjusting to a new country.  When our little family suddenly moved from the farm to the heart of Dallas, the Swedish immigration box went too.  While we were adjusting to a strange new world, we studied how other displaced persons felt, ate the food that my great grandmother would have had in Sweden, made dala horses, studied Swedish customs, read her letters, and tried to let her courage infuse our days.

A Place of Joy

While all this may sound like a random jumble of stuff, it was really a very calm existence filled with little discoveries that were pursued and thoughts that were discussed. Some of our school subjects were very sequential, but each day was rounded out with little surprises that created a joyful learning environment.   Our lives had few extracurricular activities, so there was plenty of time to follow up on things of interest.

My husband and I are curious, industrious people and we wanted to cultivate that in our small children.  It was a lot of work for us to set up situations that allowed them to “stumble upon” something exciting, but I think it was worth it. As young adults, our kids have been wildly successful academically, but it has not been from following the grinding checklist experienced by many of their peers.  Their success has been the result of their curiosity continually propelling them into new territory.  As my daughter recently remarked, “I still love to learn.  That is a fairly rare thing, even on a campus like Princeton.”

Copyright 2010 Home Life, Inc., PO Box 1190, Fenton, MO 63026-1190, (800) 346-6322, www.home-school.com. Originally published in Practical Homeschooling # 96. A Practical Homeschooling subscription is $19.95 for six issues. Used by permission.

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9 Ways to make Home a Place of Delightful Discovery, Part 1

By Jeannette Webb

Traditional educators would be horrified at my methods.  I hate textbooks, rigid routines, and checklists.  However, I’m not a laid back kind of a gal.  My family will verify that I’m definitely a Type A personality, but with one degree in child development and years as a Youth Development Specialist, I know that a true embracing of knowledge is a choice made by my child, not a demand I can place on him.  Therefore, when my children were young, I decided to take the sneaky route and filled my home with interesting things that would invite investigation.  This wasn’t easy for me.  I’m a tidy person and prefer to have neatly labeled boxes (with lids) lining shelves and everything in its place in an impeccably decorated home, but I had to step out of my comfort zone and settle for a bit of a mess in order to invite discovery. 

Here are some ways I set up learning opportunities.  They weren’t on the school assignment sheet.  There were no requirements that the children participate.  I didn’t feel like a failure when an opportunity was passed up.

The Art Studio

Our schoolroom had a walk-in closet lined with shelves.  On the lowest shelves, within reach of little hands, I filled clear containers with every kind of craft item imaginable:  pipe cleaners, polymer clay, sculpting clay, construction paper, craft foam, cardboard, paint, sketch pads, sketching pencils, colored pencils, crayons, fabric, glue, yarn, fabric swatches, knitting needles and crochet hooks, embroidery thread, etc, etc.  My daughter loved working with her hands and learned to crochet at the tender age of five.  She spent hours happily creating projects from the rich store. My son never ventured near the closet.  He preferred the workbench his grandfather built for him on the back porch and hammered nails in wood and glued wood scraps together and created more manly things.

The Science Lab

While my daughter lost track of time in the craft closet, my son spent hours in his “lab.”  His affinity for science asserted itself extremely early and his burning questions occupied hours a day.  He used a magnifying glass as a toddler to examine things.  As soon as he had the fine motor skills to handle it, we purchased two microscopes – one with a platform for three-dimensional objects (rocks, butterflies, etc.) and one for use with prepared slides.  They were always out and ready to reveal a wonderful microscopic world.  He had test tubes and butterfly nets and batteries and wires. I had to give up my work area on the back porch as his experiments and equipment took up every square inch and filled every drawer, but a man must not be kept from exploring the mysteries of the universe!

The World at our Fingertips

While most of our walls were lined with bookcases, we kept one wall free in my son’s room to place a large world map and a U. S. map at his eye level.  There was a globe nearby for perspective.  Anytime we were reading about a particular place, we would stop and find it on the map.  Several times throughout the years, the kids made their own maps as part of a particular study.  I have a feeling that my son spent a great deal of time with these maps on his own, because today his knowledge of countries and geographical locations is astounding.  But I shouldn’t be surprised.  He looked at it every day and the countries on our planet just became a part of his world.

Trapped in the Bathroom

Years ago, a new homeschool acquaintance emerged from our bathroom on her first visit to our home shaking with laughter.  She couldn’t believe that I actually hung posters on the wall directly opposite the, um, throne.  Well.  What else are they going to do while they are sitting there???  I thought they just as well be learning something new or thinking about something interesting.  So through the years there were bathroom posters of cloud formations, U.S. Presidents, Oklahoma trees, fish, wildlife and other various topics.  I figured that if efficiency expert Frank Gilbreth (of Cheaper by the Dozen fame) made his kids listen to French lessons while they bathed, surely I should make good use of bathroom time, too.

The Museum of Natural History

Some people collect priceless art.  My kids collected the work of the master artist and decorated my kitchen bar with it. Snake skins, bird eggs, abandoned cicada shells, pretty rocks, and bird nests (when the birds were through with them).  Sometimes I had to avert my eyes while fixing dinner, but they loved their treasures and wanted to learn more about them.  They would bring a bird book, climb up on the stool, and compare their nest with those in the book or a find a book about snakes and figure out why they shed their skins.

The Zoo

My kids were transfixed with the ant farm and the fish aquarium inside the house and the hummingbird feeder and birdbath they could watch from the window.  So much activity!  They had a ball watching nature in a created environment that was easily accessible to them.  Through the years we had bird feeders and squirrel feeders and planted bushes that attracted butterflies.  We were also fortunate to live in the country so had access to a wide variety of beast and bird.  We watched the wildlife on the canyon rim through binoculars (which were always by the window to be grabbed quickly) and traced their tracks in the mud.  We found their dens and watched their broods of babies from a distance.

The Garden

We planted fruit trees, blackberry bushes, strawberries, tomatoes, and green beans.  Each child had their own little garden space where they could plant what they wanted.  At an early age they had responsibilities to weed and water, harvest and preserve.  They learned about plants firsthand and were so proud to serve food that they had raised and prepared themselves.

The Art Museum

We had a continually rotating art print on a low table where the kids could see it as they galloped by.  We would take it down and talk about it once a week for a few minutes.  Often I would rotate 3 or 4 prints from the same artist over a month’s time so the kids could learn to identify the style and subject matter of particular painters.  If we visited an art museum, I would tell them to pick out their favorite picture and we would try to find a postcard of it to display.  My daughter recalls paying careful attention throughout the museum because she wanted to find her favorite painting and take it home.

The Concert Hall

There is a lot of maintenance that has to happen to keep a home functional.  Meals need to be prepared and the house needs to be cleaned.  We always did these things together (the shortest kid dusting the baseboards, the taller kid dusting everything in his reach, and mom handling the high stuff).  We fixed meals together, each having their own job.  Usually I had classical music going while we worked.  Sometimes they asked what the piece was, but usually they just enjoyed.  Today my daughter still loves the music she grew up with while she worked – Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons, Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos, and Handel’s Water Music.

In the next post, we’ll talk further about how to turn our children’s discoveries into learning opportunities.

Copyright 2010 Home Life, Inc., PO Box 1190, Fenton, MO 63026-1190, (800) 346-6322, www.home-school.com. Originally published in Practical Homeschooling # 96. A Practical Homeschooling subscription is $19.95 for six issues. Used by permission.

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A Mother’s Dilemma

by Jeannette Webb

In the fall of 1966 my somewhat frazzled kindergarten teacher met my young mother at the door.  “Mrs. Jones, your daughter was born to lead, but she could go just as far wrong as right.  She’ll either be the leader of the Hell’s Angels or the first woman president of the United States!”  

My poor mother.

True to that early prophecy, I was instantly the leader in any group. In high school I was president of most organizations and I left college with a six-page résumé.  I entered the professional world ready to conquer it.  I was extremely efficient and people did not get in the way of my plans. 

But a funny thing happened on the way to the rest of my life. Twenty years after that dire prediction, I gave birth to my first child.  A few years later, when I met his exhausted kindergarten teacher at the door, I could tell that we needed to make some changes or he might also be headed to join a destructive motorcycle gang.

The story of the radical change from feminist career woman to Christian homeschool mom is too long to repeat here, but suffice to say that after that life-changing shift, I suddenly found myself at yet another crossroads.  I had this gift of leadership, multiple college degrees, all kinds of skills that organizations needed and wanted.  And then there were my two small children with gifts as of yet undiscovered.  Would I continue to stroke my own ego or would I step away so I could quietly nurture their possibilities?

Tough Choices

It is an agonizing choice made not once, but daily.  To be honest, it is made multiple times every day.  While it is true that many choices may not seem to be either/or, the reality of only 24 hours in a day and competing demands often mandates that they are.  We competent homeschool moms often fool ourselves into thinking that we can have our cake and eat it too.  After all, we have the freedom and flexibility of being at home!  However, if we are honest, we often choose to do those things that garner appreciation from the masses or make us feel fulfilled.  It is so easy to ignore the subtle needs of our family that will not bring us any thanks and can often bring resistance. 

It is not my intent to be harsh, but my heart weeps at the large number of homeschool children who get lost in the shuffle. Countless times I’ve witnessed the phenomenon of talented and dynamic moms who raise lackluster kids. It is time this issue comes out of hiding. 

I think we tend to justify our time-use choices because, as homeschool moms, we have made tremendous sacrifices already.  We have often left a fulfilling job.  We’ve given up the comfort of a second salary.  We have chosen to live counter-culture lives that are often unpopular with friends and family.  And, we’ve signed up for an incredible amount of work in educating our children. So how much more can we give up?  Sisters, I’m here to tell you that there is a lot more.  And I’ll admit that it will cost you.

Before we move further, I need to make something crystal clear.  I’m not talking about mom being a doormat and waiting on her children hand and foot.  I’m not talking about suppressing her every desire so her children can have their way.  I’m talking about choosing the hard road – confronting our children’s shortcomings, training their intellect, and teaching them the vast array of skills needed, layer by layer, day by day, year by year.  It takes an incredible amount of time, patience, love, and sheer tenacity.  It is not being weak, but rather using my strength to infuse the lives of my children and teach them to be strong.  It is choosing to see them honestly and investing myself to do something with that knowledge. 

Seeing with Honest Eyes

The ability to see with honest eyes is a rare thing in our frenzied world. It is not that we lack the wisdom to see candidly, but that we have chosen (consciously or unconsciously) to live a lifestyle that does not encourage it.  We can suffer from preoccupation or an actual lack of time

You may be moving too fast to honestly evaluate your children. If your days are a constant rush from activity to activity (even if they are wonderful activities, classes, or opportunities), if there is not time to truly connect with your child, you will miss who they are at their core and who they could become with your guidance.  

I began to notice when my children were very small that, though we enjoyed special times I planned, more often than not it was mundane moments at home during the routine of our lives when little hints of their thought life would be dropped into my lap.  As they got older, they would turn, at unexpected times, eyes full of discovery or questions and share a sudden revelation. I soon learned that I had to stay in the moment with them and not escape into my thought-life, which is so easy for me.  You see, even for those of us at home full time, preoccupation with our own activities such as planning homeschool group meetings or Bible study or political events or any number of things can keep us from being fully present. Don’t kid yourself!  You can be physically with your children all day every day and be too distracted to see truth when it floats by in front of you. 

Your Children are Your Ministry

Always keep in mind that God designed your child as a one-of-a-kind miracle!  They are a gift, put into your family for a specific reason for a very limited time. You have a unique mission field.  You alone have been given the responsibility to train up your child in the way he should go.  This responsibility wasn’t given to the pastor, youth minister, sports coach, or co-op teacher.  It was given to you because the Lord knew from the beginning of time that you were the most qualified person to handle the assignment.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that, for this season of your life, this is your primary ministry.  I am deeply grieved for all the Christian moms (and dads) whose lives are dominated by a lay ministry at church or a homeschool ministry when their most important work is right there under their noses at home.  While in the middle of child rearing it can seem that it will last for the rest of your life.  Consequently you may feel you must do all these other things if you are ever going to have the chance.  The truth is that the opportunity to parent goes by in a heartbeat.

The discipleship lifestyle is a difficult one.  It is so much less efficient than doing it myself. It is often lonely. There are no awards. It routinely calls for my last ounce of strength. It often moves me into the realm of the invisible.  After years of being in the limelight, I suddenly found that I was just Austin or Natalie’s mom.  The only thing I can compare it to is the drink offering being poured out daily on the alter as a living sacrifice.  The flames are hot, but God promises that it is a pleasing aroma to Him.

Questions to Ask Yourself

There is one question that will help you in almost any situation: 

Am I doing this FOR my children or WITH my children?

Doing things for your children often involves a great deal of time expenditure on their behalf, but without them by your side learning from you.  They benefit from your energies the same as all the other kids affected by what you did, as a part of a group who takes what is handed to them. Doing things with your children requires a great deal more of you – time, patience, and ingenuity, swallowing your pride, giving up recognition.  Yet, your children are involved in the creative act with you.  They are fellow collaborators and have ownership in the outcome.  It is an entirely different experience!

Here are some questions to ask yourself as you contemplate a mother’s dilemma:

• Is "me" time more important than "us" time? 
• Do I read that great book to myself or read out loud to my child? 
• Do I run the homeschool group (substitute the name of any organization) or teach my kid how to orchestrate a huge event? 
• Do I teach the class or do I stay flexible and move as rapidly or as slowly as the child God placed in my care? 
• Will I take the time to listen, often in the wee hours of the morning, to my child's innermost thoughts? 
• Can I lay down my pride (in my yard being unmowed or my house being less than perfect or giving up the prestigious assignment) and choose to invest that time in my child? 
• Am I willing to stop in the middle of a busy day and answer the phone to deal with my college student's struggles? 
• Am I willing to lay down my life for those that God has placed in my care?

There are no easy answers to these questions, but there are eternal ones.

Copyright 2010 Home Life, Inc., PO Box 1190, Fenton, MO 63026-1190, (800) 346-6322, www.home-school.com. Originally published in Practical Homeschooling # 97. A Practical Homeschooling subscription is $19.95 for six issues. Used by permission.

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High School Research

by Jeannette Webb

In the early 1980’s, I was an undergraduate conducting social research with one of my professors.  We were breaking new ground as research at that time was reserved for graduate students.  Other professors didn’t know quite what to expect when I presented our results at conferences.

How times change!  Today we routinely hear of high school students conducting research and many college websites actively promote their undergraduate research opportunities. Some colleges even give specific scholarships to entering students who have already developed a research track record.

Why the transformation?  I think there are basically two reasons.  The first, according to one university administrator, is that colleges are having to work overtime to recruit and retain students in math, science, and engineering.   It has become necessary in the last 8-10 years for higher education to provide incentives to enter these tough fields.  Hopefully, they can catch the student’s interest early and then hold it with intriguing projects.

Secondly, we live in a time when there are more research opportunities available than ever before. Basically, there is more research to do as scientists continue to open new areas of exploration and make new discoveries.  There is more commercial interest as our standard of living continues to escalate.  By the age of 16, students will have the lion’s share of their raw intellectual ability and are often capable of making a worthwhile contribution to their field of interest.  Maturity and opportunity are the only things that will hold them back. 

I need to be clear that the concept of conducting high school science and math research is only for a narrow range of students.  This is not something most parents need to frantically grasp to add to every child’s resume.  There are basically two types of kids that should consider high school research, the first being those whose curiosity is so intense that they will pursue their questions or die.  The second category contains students with strong quantitative abilities who want to explore career fields or need experience in order to pinpoint their interests.

The first types are the Thomas Edisons of the world, building labs in playhouses and constantly asking questions.  These are the students who have a compelling need to observe their world, perhaps spending hours in the back yard watching the life of spiders.  With this type of child we need to just get out of the way and provide them with the books and equipment they need to explore their questions.  We need to protect large quantities of time for them to think and explore (and resist the urge of fill every waking moment with activities that children are supposed to do).  We must be willing to help them contact specialists, professors, or others who can help them.  Perhaps a mentoring relationship will develop out of these contacts.

One young man of our acquaintance lived close to a private research lab that routinely offered community lectures.  After attending a lecture of particular interest, this young high school student approached the speaker with questions.  The scientist recommended several books, which the student went home and devoured.  Then he contacted the gentleman again with further questions and he was offered a summer internship at the institution and was later offered the opportunity to participate in the research of the group. 

My son knew that he wanted to work as a scientific researcher as a career, but took a rather roundabout route finding what he loved.  At the age of ten he started doing experiments and learning how to handle equipment with his mentor in a college chemistry lab.  He liked chemistry, but it was physics that had captured his imagination.  Fortunately, his mentor could discuss this topic with him as well. Later, as a high school sophomore, he became very comfortable with biology and was successful in his application to the Research Science Institute.  He knew that physics and math were his true love, but he did not have the background yet to conduct research in those areas, so he applied as a biology researcher.  He spent an intense six weeks conducting neurobiology research, the results of which propelled him to National Semi-finalist positions in both the Siemens Westinghouse Competition and the Intel Science Talent Search as well as helping secure research scholarships at several major universities.

While the specific lab skills he developed at RSI were not transferable to later projects, he got priceless experience with scientific writing, not to mention learning to perform under intense pressure.  It confirmed that he wanted to spend his life in research and that he wanted to attend a rigorous, research-oriented college.

My daughter fell in the second category of having great quantitative skills, but no strong compulsion for a particular field of study or career.  After the age of 15, she came into her own in math and science showing strong logical skills and a delight in problem solving.  She took AP Biology as a high school sophomore and aced the class.  She was particularly interested in the molecular biology section of her class and thought she might be interested in a career in biology. 

Through a family friend, she secured an interview with a genetics professor at our local university.  When he saw her interest, he allowed her to spend one day a week throughout the summer in his lab learning techniques. When she proved that she was responsible and careful, she was soon entrusted with expensive equipment and given a mini-project under the auspices of his research in biochemistry.

That summer taught her many things – that she loved problem solving, that she had the fine motor skills needed to operate delicate lab equipment, and that she didn’t really want to spend her life waiting for organisms to grow in a Petri dish.   A summer investment saved an expensive college education pursing the wrong thing. 

For the inquisitive student, research can be a life-line.  Gifted kids often out-pace their peers and get bored in regular science classes.  The opportunity to delve into the mysteries of the universe can provide the incentive to keep learning and growing.  Many students who do not perform well in a traditional classroom thrive on the individual pace of the research lab.  There they are measured by their ability, not by their test-taking skill. They have a chance of making a lasting contribution to their field. 

High school research can help our students identify their broad fields of interest and perhaps select a potential major and consequently a collage.  Undergraduate research during college can give students the chance to explore fields that are perhaps outside of their specialty.  This can be invaluable when they need to cooperate with other scientists in a joint project.  It can also give college students an idea of the specialization they want to pursue in graduate school.  As colleges and graduate schools get more and more selective, research can give these types of students a marked advantage over the competition.

Please remember, research isn’t for everyone or even for most people.  But if you have one of those special children who are driven by their questions, it behooves you to carve out a very different lifestyle for them.  Protect their time and help them find the resources they need.  A great scientific discovery may be just around the corner!

Copyright 2010 Home Life, Inc., PO Box 1190, Fenton, MO 63026-1190, (800) 346-6322, www.home-school.com. Originally published in Practical Homeschooling # 93. A Practical Homeschooling subscription is $19.95 for six issues. Used by permission.

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Developing Passion, Part 2

By Jeannette Webb

Last time we talked about the things that can keep a student from developing passion.  This post we look at the things that will open up opportunities for passion to develop.

Choosing to Live Purposefully

My husband and I made the choice years ago to live a life that looked strange to our friends.  When the rest of the kids were playing T-ball, my son was going to work with his daddy, building things out of scrap lumber, looking at things under his microscope, and exploring the canyon behind our house.  At a very tender age, he became consumed with questions about the world around him.  As a young adult, those questions continue to drive him forward in his Ph.D. research.

When my daughter’s friends were enrolled tiny tots dance classes (among tons of other regular little girl classes), she was creating art projects from the huge stash of pipe cleaners, construction paper, paint, and fabric in our home.  She listened to classical music as she helped me clean the house and loved listening to stories.  As a little girl, she fell in love with creating things and solving problems.  I wasn’t too surprised when she grew up to become an engineer.

Creating a life in which passion can take root requires a purposeful balance.  Being too busy keeps us distracted.  Our children never have time to wonder, time to explore something that looks a little bit interesting.  As parents, we are too busy to notice a small spark that needs fanning into flame – a tiny interest in something that needs encouragement.

On the other hand, a life with little structure and no guiding principles often lapses into boredom and the pursuit of shallow entertainment.  Children who are not exposed to challenges, to trials, to noble ideas never stretch and discover how exciting life can really be.  To paraphrase Auntie Mame, “Life is a banquet and most poor fools are starving to death.”

The answer to this conundrum is to make careful choices, to decide to live purposefully.  It is so very easy to fall asleep in the middle of life and let things just happen.  We must stay awake.  We must choose only the very best for our children and ourselves.  We must be ever vigilant to identify the tiny things of childhood that could grow (with our help) into the consuming visions of young adulthood. 

Copyright 2010 Home Life, Inc., PO Box 1190, Fenton, MO 63026-1190, (800) 346-6322, www.home-school.com. Originally published in Practical Homeschooling # 94. A Practical Homeschooling subscription is $19.95 for six issues. Used by permission.

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